IKIGAI

A Japanese word meaning 'reason for being.' When we were kids the word icky was used to describe something unpleasant,  derived in our minds from the word gick (poop). Atas, also meaning poop, at least in our family home was a word we used every time we declared we were going to do a number 2. 'Ma, I'm going to do my atas.' The poor woman. I can't believe I'm writing about atas.

I haven't been writing, but I've redecided that being a writer is part of my ikigai. Yes, men my age still have a reason for being. I'm not exactly sure what mine is. It's as if I need to look back at various labels and take on board that I'm 61.

Now, that's icky! And that's enough for now.

Michael.

It's 1981 - Leaving Cert Year - I'm 16 and I'm making my way to Sunday evening mass at 8.00 in The Priory. It's become our Sunday night ritual, me and my ma. My ma is 40. Back then I considered 40 old. 

We are going to mass because my ma loves a song the folk group always sing. 'Lord is it Mine' by Supertramp. I like the song, too, but I'm going to pray for a pass in the Leavin.'

I failed. Not every exam, but enough to have an overall fail. I got an honour in higher grade Spanish. That's a whole other story.

I'm 61 now. I've been busking in Tallaght for the last two years. I recently learned and played that song. I sang it for my ma. I'm always thinking about loved ones who have passed. Aren't we all? Whenever I hear the song it feels like I'm stepping back into happy times from a past that was so much more wonderful than I realised ... at that time.